Turning the page to 2013

I am struggling with figuring out how to make God real for my kids. Yesterday, I ran into the college kids sunday school teacher. He shared with me an activity that he had the kids all do. He had them take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Then they were to write something about their faith before getting saved on one side and write about their faith now on the other side. They posted them all on a bulletin board in their room. Pastor Matt and I decided to go see them all. It was so cool to read them. There were many different things that were written. Some of them grabbed at my heart. It was such a joy reading how God had changed them. One had written on the "before side"...... something like... "walking in my parents faith". I am pretty confident that that child was mine. If it wasn't, I am sure it could have been. I struggle with that thought. I know it is real. We have had them in church since the day they were born or brought into our family. God has been a part of our conversations and our thoughts.... but has he been real? My kids faith when they were young was very real. Jacob seemed to have more faith then I have ever dreamed of having. He taught me many, many lessons about God and about my faith. Was it real for him? I know that all of my kids at one point or another have really struggled with making their faith their own. Emily, Erin, and Sam have all come through on the other side of it. They have made their faith THEIR faith and not ours. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen over night. All 3 battled inward battles and questions about whether God is really real and whether the Bible is the absolute truth. When they were young, we were faithful at teaching them about God all of the time. We had family devos and we purposely sought opportunities to teach them about Jesus Christ and the love of God. We parented with a purpose of teaching them the ways of God. But as chaos increased, that still small voice that was often heard could no longer be heard easily. Life overtook us..... our schedules got crazy, we went through 2 adoptions and we had several teenagers. God got pushed to the side..... well... not really God, but Him being a priority. I remember not allowing Erin or Emily to play on an all-star softball team because they played on Sundays. I remember missing coaching and the girls playing on a Wednesday night because it interfered with church. I remember Erin missing the first game on a Sunday tournament for soccer because we put God ahead of it all. Now, we don't think anything of missing a Wednesday night service. We don't attend any Sunday night services. It was a slow thing. At first, it was only a few and only when it was a "good excuse" to miss. Then as Wednesday night adult services became so few attended and they stopped offering Wednesday nights for the kdis in the summer, it was easier to miss. Then they removed Sunday evening services to attempt to encourage small groups.... only to backfire and cause our family to stop Sunday nights all together. And our attempts at family devos are fleeting and far between. We try, only to fail because of the chaos of our schedule. So where does that leave our family? In my opinion... in a world of hurt. One of my kids is struggling so deeply with doubts of God's existence and the bibles truth.... so deeply, yet crying out so desparately to hear God's voice...only to have the pleas fall on "deaf ears" in their words. And the little ones? Oh.. I feel so desparate with them. Ri is so tender hearted and open to the things of God but Elizabeth seems hard and distant from it all. They both have "accepted Christ" as their savior. But I am not so sure that Elizabeth is truly receptive to it all. I think there has been something so deep in her that has been hurt that she really has no clue and it is that hurt that holds her back. So.... I am desparately crying out to God for a revival in my home. For the one who is hurting and struggling with questions to finally find the answers. I am begging God to show Himself to my child and to soften their heart to be able to fall at His knees in complete submission of their life.